Relationships, including marriages, sometimes end. I think we can pretty much all agree on that. And while most breakups are difficult and painful, when children are involved the complexity of the breakup increases significantly. Far too often, IMHO, the children get caught in the crossfire of the breakup. The anger, bitterness, resentment and pain of the parents washes over the children leaving a wound that may take years to heal.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Even in the most contentious breakups it is possible to bring a high level of awareness to the process, stay aware of how your actions affect your children and implement systems and structures that minimize the negative impact of the separation on them.

When my ex-wife and I made the decision to separate, the well-being of our daughter was one of our primary concerns. We agreed that no matter what happened between us we would make Ella’s well-being a top priority.

That agreement forced us to make decisions and act in ways that were often difficult, ways that we probably would not have acted if Ella was not involved. We both had to be flexible and willing to negotiate calmly and compassionately. We had to refrain from blaming each other and feeling victimized. We had to be very conscious of how we spoke about each other in front of Ella (even when we were not feeling very loving towards each other).

Because of this agreement, and our commitment to honoring it, our separation process has created a massive opportunity for personal, spiritual development. Over the past 2 ½ years we have both grown and evolved in ways that probably would not have happened if we had not had a child.

So, as difficult as separating is – and it is! – it is also one of the most profound experiences you will ever move through. And parents moving through that process have an added incentive and an amazing opportunity to accelerate the growth process even more.

The Importance of Support

My ex-wife and I were both blessed with wonderful support from our community, friends and family. None of them chose sides or pointed fingers. For the most part Melissa and I refrained from encouraging them to do so. And we would not have made it through this process so well and so quickly without a strong support system.

But, even with all of the support from our community, I know that having someone available on a regular basis to support us through the difficult times would have made the transition a lot smoother.

It would have been wonderful having…

• Someone to hear our frustrations and hold them in a positive way without indulging them.
• Someone to offer advice and suggestions based on real world situations and experience.
• Someone to listen to our fears and help us move through them.
• Someone to keep bring us back to a place of self-responsibility.
• Someone to provide practical tools for the specific issues that came up for us.
• Someone to consistently, firmly, yet gently remind us of the impact our actions were having on our daughter.
• Someone to help us see the bigger, long term perspective of the process.

That is exactly the support I’d like to offer you through my new Separation Coaching for Parents.

A Significant Transition

Separation is one of the most significant transitions you will go through. In many ways, separation is more of an initiatory experience than marriage.

And for your children it is even bigger!

Remember, you’ve most likely been through break ups before. But, more than likely, this is their first time experiencing a separation. Staying aware of their experience will help you make choices that benefit everyone involved.

I’m happy to say that my ex-wife and I are now friends. It wasn’t always that way. We needed to go through our stuff. But even when we were surfing on the waves of sadness and angry, confusion and resentment we both kept our daughter’s needs at the forefront of our awareness. And that conscious decision helped us reach this place where we can now truly say that we love and respect each other as co-parents and friends.

You may get there. Or maybe not. Not everyone will be able to transform the romantic love of marriage into the platonic love of co-parents and friends. And that’s OK. Melissa and I had to go through at least a year of “acting nice” to each other before we slowly started settling into a place where we could actually “BE nice” to each other.

It may be difficult for you to even imagine that friendship with your ex-partner is possible right now. But it really is possible. And if you don’t get to the place where you are friends, even arriving at the place where you can “be nice” and respect one another will make a huge difference for you and your children.

Remember, your ex-partner is going to be in your life for a long time. Think about how you want to feel at your child’s wedding. Do you want to feel angry and resentful that your ex-partner is there? Or do you want to be able to celebrate and relax into the joy and love and beauty of that moment?

Holding that long-term perspective will help you make better decisions and take positive actions now.

Benefits of Separation and Divorce Coaching for Parents

Here are some of the benefits you’ll experience when you engage in the coaching process.

• The long-term well-being of your children – Your children are incredibly sensitive. They pick up on so much more than what is being said. And they will know that you are doing something to minimize the impact of the separation on them. So even if the process continues to be bumpy and confrontational your children will know that you are doing the best you can. And that’s all they really want from you.
• A more amicable separation process – Staying consistently aware of the impact your actions have on your children can often help smooth out the entire separation process for everyone.
• A faster return to love – A broken heart is never fun. But as you return to love from that place you will find that your capacity to give and receive love has expanded. This coaching will help you return to love sooner.

Specific issues we’ll explore during the coaching sessions include:

• How to deal with custody issues.
• What to do when your parenting styles seem incompatible.
• How to talk to your children about what is happening.
• How to deal with money issues.
• What to do if your partner is speaking negatively about you to your children.
• How much of your personal process to share with your children.
• How to create transitions that minimize stress for everyone.
• How to introduce new partners into the mix.

Who is Separation Coaching for?

Parents at any point in the separation/divorce process can benefit from this coaching. The earlier you begin the coaching process the better the results. If you are still together but are fairly certain that you are heading towards separation, begin the coaching now. (Keep in mind that this coaching does NOT replace counseling, mediation or legal advice.)

If you have been separated for some time but are still having “issues” separation coaching can help address those issues and lead to a smoother new family relationship.

Here are some of the key factors that would make you a good fit for separation coaching. You do not need all of these but the more you have the more you will benefit from the coaching process.

1. I place a high priority on the long-term well-being of my children. (This is VERY important!)
2. I am willing to be courteous and act in good faith with my partner.
3. I accept the separation/divorce.
4. I am willing to manage my emotions (not suppress them but find healthy ways to feel and express them).
5. I have the ability to be respectful of and with my ex-partner.
6. I want to have clear communication.
7. I am open to the long-term perspective and recognize that my ex-partner will be in my life for a long time.
8. I am using a collaborative divorce process or mediation.

If you agree with number 1 and at least one more of these, you are a good candidate for separation coaching for parents. This means that when we work together we will not have to spend a lot of time working through the conflict. We’ll be able to jump in and focus on creating the most positive environment for everyone involved.

Now please note that this coaching is NOT for all separating parents. If any of the conditions below apply in your situation, this coaching is not for you:

• There is physical abuse or violence involved in the relationship.
• Child custody issues are highly contentious and adversarial.
• You feel your partner is unfit to be a parent.
• You are not ready to let go of the partnership (this is not couples counseling).
• You are still too angry to manage your emotions in the presence of your ex-partner.

In these situations it is often necessary and advisable to handle the separation through the traditional legal system.

How the Separation for Parents Coaching process works

Coaching sessions can be held with both partners or with just one. In some cases we may split the monthly sessions with each partner getting one session and the third session with both partners.

Keep in mind that both partners do NOT need to participate in order to receive benefits from these coaching sessions. If your partner is not interested in coaching, you will still receive huge benefits from these coaching sessions. And, just as important, your children will reap the benefits as well.

About Your Coach

So enough about you… what about me?

Edward Mills

Actually it’s not yet enough about you. In fact, the entire coaching process is about you. And one of my skills as an intuitive coach for more than 10-years is the ability to get out of the way, to let go of the coaching process being about me. It’s not about me. It’s about my ability to skillfully guide you to where you want to go. My job is not to prove I’m a good coach. My job is to accelerate your journey from where you are to where you want to be.

But my guess is that you’d like to know at least a little bit about who I am, my background and experience and how I work. So here you go.

With more than 10-years of coaching experience and having worked with hundreds of clients I have a wide variety of coaching tools to pull from. And even more importantly, I know when it’s appropriate to work with each of them. Some of the tools come from actual training but most come from the school of life.

Here are some of the specific tools, skills and experiences I bring to the parenting coaching work:

• Energy Work: I received my Master of Intuition Medicine from the Academy of Intuitive Development in 1999 and have continued with advanced energy training since then.
• Indigenous Wisdom and Ritual: I studied ritual and indigenous wisdom for 6-months with Malidoma Some and Francis Weller and continued into an 18-month “ritual village” training with Francis.
• Continuum Concept: I had the honor of working on a book proposal with Jean Leidloff for 8-months. Jean is the author of the Continuum Concept and many consider her to be the original source of what is now called Attachment Parenting.
• Parenting: Being a parent is perhaps the most important qualification. And I am widely acknowledged for being a great father. I love being a dad and it brings me great joy! Continuous learning is my motto as a father. I know I will never be a “perfect” dad but my desire to continuously become better keeps me learning and growing. And what I have learned I love to share.

But by far, the most important quality that I bring to our coaching relationship is my desire to serve you and your children. I have been through separation. I have felt the tumult and upheaval it creates. I have ridden the waves of anger, fear, doubt, confusion, uncertainty and grief. And I have come out the other side.

Let me be your guide.

If you were going on a journey through the mountains of a foreign land you would hire a guide. You would understand that a guide would help you get through those mountains safely and sooner than if you were wandering around on your on.

I’ve been where you are. It would be my honor to help you find your way through to the other side.

What does Separation Coaching for Parents Cost?

My normal monthly business coaching fee for the same package is $795.

But this topic is so important to me that I will be offering these coaching packages at a discounted rate of $649/month.

And because this is a brand new offering I’m making the first 5 spots available for just $495/month. That’s a $300 savings over my regular coaching rate.

Remember, you get three regular 1-hour sessions, MP3 recordings of every session, unlimited email coaching and unlimited laser sessions!

To reserve your space at this special introductory rate, use the link below:

If you don’t see the graphic above,
click here to reserve your spot at the special introductory rate

Here are a few comments from some of my coaching clients

Your partner in TRUE Abundance

Edward

PS. Because I believe so much in the value and the importance of this work and want to make it available to people who might not be able to afford the full price I have 2 sliding scale spots available. There’s just one requirement: If you are currently going through a divorce you must be using a non-adversarial system, either doing it yourself or using a mediator or collaborative attorney. If you are, and you’d like to apply for one of the sliding scale spots, send me an email at edward@abundantmystic.com. Give me an overview of your situation and a proposed monthly amount you can pay for our coaching. I’ll get back to you within 1-business day letting you know if these sliding scale spots are still available.